everything has it's inspiring story
14 November 2011
It’s not my cat. I feed it this morning. It’s not my cat. I found it lying in the middle of the street. I didn’t crash it. I wasn’t in front of my house. It’s not my cat. It’s just lying there with no one noticing or cared.
I went home. I cut my nails because I have to plant I got yesterday from Dago Car Free Day. I dug a hole on the garden of my neighborhood. I dug too big. I’m actually digging for the dead cat unconsciously. I dug another hole, a smaller one for the plant. I then plant the tree-to-be and added a cup of water to finish. I went back home and saw the dead cat still lying.
I made a fight. A fight in my head. I always do because things don’t work like it’s suppose to be and I’m here doing nothing. I hate times like this and it always end up with I have to do something or doing nothing but then i punish myself with the guilt. I asked myself, why should I care? Nobody cares either. It’s not my cat. I didn’t kill it. It’s not dead in front of my house. It’s not my problem.
The fight within continues until I asked myself, do I wanna lose and feel guilty or I start to go the there and bury it. I said I don’t wanna regret. I approached it with a lot of preparation, shovels and large papers. I saw all that blood around the neck and some from the bottom. I will also not forget about its’ eyes. The right is closed and I can feel the moments of rage against the pain till the end. The left eye popped out and I don’t wanna tell more.
It was already stiffened. I couldn’t move it with the small shovel to put it in the big shovel, so i picked it up not by hands but paper. I grabbed it by its stomach. I can feel its stiffness, not soft like a live cat. I put it on the bigger shovel and brought it all the way to the garden on the opposite side of the street.
I noticed the size of the corpse. Its pose is larger than the hole that I’ve dug. I dug some more. I tucked it in and its’ hind legs won’t fit. I don’t know what to do. I feel that there’s nothing more that I can do. I heard my neighbor in front of my house who had way more contact with the cat than I do, opening his gate. I then asked for help. He came and willingly touched the kitty’s legs and tail to get inside the hole -somehow I didn’t think that I could do that-. He then continues helping, burying it, covering the corpse. And I thanked him.
Afterwards I feel shocked. I don’t really understand why but it is totally one big step out of the comfort zone for me.
I prayed to God thinking that what I’ve done just now can melt His heart. I hoped that if one day my dead body is lying somewhere, someone will care to bury me quickly, whether it’s human, or probably a cat. I imagined that one day I’ll meet the cat thanking me…
This event remind me of a movie, Departure, staring Ryoko Hirusue about a man whose profession is taking care of a dead person’s body buy setting them in their best appearance, putting on their best suit and make up. His actions are a part of the death ritual that is watched by the corpse’s family. Then the family can see their passed on relative change from his/her usual look to his/her best look before the body is buried.
The man’s everyday contact with the dead made him appreciate living things. Thanking his wife just because she still breathes.